I was thinking this morning about how much time we waste on people who don’t like us. I don’t mean people who genuinely dislike us for a reason, maybe something we said in the past, views they don’t agree with etc - I mean the ones who don’t even really bother to get to know us & who just decided “I don’t like her”.
Is it the empath in us, unable to bear the feeling of negative energy, or the perfectionist, desperate to get everything right? The feeling that if we can manage to change their mind then we really are a “good“ person, after all?
I’m so guilty of getting hung up on exactly why someone might not like me, desperate to find out exactly what it is so that I can change it. but where does that stop? At what point do we tweak ourselves to fit into every single person’s box?
The answer is that we can’t. We cannot physically please everyone, and also, why should we? If someone decides they don’t like you and they have no desire to explore why that is, then why should we push them on it? Isn’t it their absolute right to make that snap decision and then just get on with their lives?
I am trying every day to be the person who can just allow this without exploration, able to just accept that it’s ok to be disliked and unless my behaviour is actively harming someone then I have no need to change it.
Go where the love is.
I have been doing this all my life. Every place I have worked there has always been the people in a little group together and talking about everyone else, me being one of them they love to talk about and passing snide comments. I have always worked caring for others, with social Services and then the NHS. You would think that people who work in this type of environment would be very empathetic, and caring, but I'm sorry to say a lot of them are not. I have had issues with my mental health most of my life, and I struggle to feel welcome, or secure around some people. I wish I could just brush off every nasty comment I…
Laura, you took the words out of my mouth. I hate negativity but am not a perfectionist, just want everyone and everything to run smoothly and for us all just to get along, no hating just be considerate and kind.xx
its hard some days though isn’t it, it’s something I really struggle with, that and my need to be helpful because if i’m not being helpful why would people want to be my friend